LOKI LAUFEYSON: UNIT USER GUIDE AND MANUAL
by SkywardWriter
Summary: Here are some tips on how to take care of and use your very own LOKI LAUFEYSON. I got this idea awhile back and it just came back when I was reading some Hetalia fanfics.


Loki Laufeyson: User Guide and Manual

Congratulations! You have just purchased a Loki Laufeyson unit! The following instructions are to help you not end up with serious injuries and to use your unit to the fullest extent.

Technical Specifications:

Name: Loki Laufeyson, responds to Loki, My Lord, Brother, and Fool(not recommended)

Age: approximately 27(we aren't quite sure since he is a god)

Height: 6'7''

Place of Manufacture: Jotunheim (he will deny this and say he's from Asgard)

Weight: N/A

Length: He is a Frost GIANT

Your Loki Laufeyson unit has come with the following accessories:

One (1) Suit of full battle armor

One (1) Leather coat and armor

One (1) Expensive suit for fancy parties and/or occasions.

One (1) Foam spear with glowing blue orb attached

One (1) Fake Casket of Ancient Winters

One (1) Copy of " How to Prevent the Apocalypse"

Programming:

Your unit is equipped with the following traits:

Diplomat: Having issues with your boss? Let your unit speak with them and you will have no more problems, guaranteed, he is the Silvertongued prince of Asgard.

Spy: Want to stalk that cute new neighbor and not get caught? This unit's unique magical abilities can help keep you hidden as you stalk your latest crush.

Magician: Want some easy cash? Find a willing assistant and put this unit onstage with an act. The audience will love him for his charm and magical abilities.

Removal of your Loki Laufeyson unit from its package can prove to be quite difficult, after all, he is a villain. Here are a few ways you might get not get killed:

1. Have a Thor Odinson unit come and leave him alone with the box for a few minutes. Your Loki Laufeyson unit will be more than happy to get away from his older brother and you can reprogram him if you're fast enough.(this is the most recommended method)

2. Stand a good distance from the box(preferably far enough where you have to use a bullhorn) and shout," BROTHER!" Your unit will burst out of the box using magic and look around angrily for a Thor Odinson unit. Run up and tackle him to the ground and reprogram him(we do not advise this unless you are extremely fast).

3. Open the box and kneel at his feet, he may treat you like a slave until you get a chance to reprogram him. This has resulted in VERY pleased fangirls before, do not attempt if you are shy.

4. If you are either brave enough or stupid enough(or both) you may rip open the box and reprogram your unit directly.

Reprogramming:

After successfully waking up your unit, you may reprogram him to any of the following:

Prankster(default)

Sneaky(default)

Brother

Romantic

Emo/Submissive

Horny(locked)

Sadistic(locked)

Insane(unadvised)

Loki Laufeyson comes in Prankster and Sneaky default modes. This means he will prank anything and anyone given a moments notice. He will act inconspicuously as to avoid being noticed when setting up the prank or doing something you don't want him to.

Brother mode is activated if you are close to his age or much younger, and he sees you upset or hurt in any way. In this mode he will be very protective and caring towards you. He can be taken out of this mode by excessively pranking him or lying poorly to him.

Romantic mode is activated if you act very loving or compassionate towards him especially if you let him know that he's actually a Frost Giant not an Asgardian. He can act very loving and charming while in this mode. He will also find some way into your pants. Do not worry, all units are sterile and cannot produce offspring.

Emo/Submissive mode is activated by constantly letting him be beaten into a pulp by a Hulk unit or having him watch the Avengers over and over at the scenes where he is beaten up.

Horny mode is difficult to unlock and we are still figuring out how it is unlocked. In this mode your unit will randomly jump you and either start a very heated make out session or get directly into your pants. This mode is very easy to deactivate, simply deny him all of the things above and he will go back to his default modes.

Sadistic mode is unlocked while your unit is in Horny, if you are extremely submissive Sadistic is unlocked and he will be extremely rough and randomly go out and kill people for the fun of it. This can be deactivated by putting him into Emo/Submissive.

Insane mode is similar to Sadistic but your unit will instead of make out with you attempt to slit your throat while you sleep and take over the world. This is unlocked while in Sadistic but when Horny is deactivated first. This mode will deactivate after you lock him up for about a week in a white circular room. If this does not work further information is in your copy of "How to Prevent the Apocalypse" which is included.

Relationships with other units:

This unit is hated by almost all other units but will pair up for hate sex if they are locked in the same room together long enough.

Cleaning: This unit is perfectly capable of cleaning himself however, he may extend and invitation for you to bathe with him. Caution: this is unadvised for all innocent fangirls.

Feeding: This unit is perfectly capable of feeding himself but prefers the cooking of others if it is of high standards.

Rest: This unit will sleep when he needs it. Do not pressure him or wake him up. This may result in loss of limb.

Frequently asked questions:

Q. My unit is constantly glaring at me and muttering under his breath. When I ask him what's wrong he sneers, calls me a foolish mortal, and walks away. What do I do?

A. Congrats! You've unlocked his hidden Depressed mode! This is where he feels betrayed and alone like after he was told he was an adopted Frost Giant.

Q. My unit is sitting in a corner as if he was meditating, what should I do?

A. Leave him be, he is centering his emotions. If you disrupt him he will kill you. Repeat, leave him be.

Troubleshooting:

Problem: Upon opening the box I found a 13 year old boy who is eager to impress his father and older brother.

Solution: Oops! We accidentally sent you child Loki, this is the child version of your unit from before the events of Thor and Avengers. If you wish to keep him go ahead. If not send him back and we will ship you a free Fully grown Loki unit.

Problem: My unit is out of control and destroying everything with the Casket of Ancient Winters!

Solution: no need to worry, he's in the insane mode. Also, you did order a villain unit. This was bound to happen eventually without proper surveillance.

We hope you and your Loki Laufeyson unit will live a decent amount of time and with proper care and love both your lives will be happy! Please look at our other units soon to come from the Skyward Units Company!


End file.
